First Ever Fanfiction

firstfanfictionBelow is the first chapter of the first ever fanfiction that I wrote. I remember when I wrote this, I was extremely proud of myself. I thought this was quality, interesting, that my original characters were dynamic and expansive and that there was no way I could produce something better.

This was in 2004. As I write this, it is 2016.

When I look back at this now, it is excruciating to read through. The spelling and grammar is horrendous, the characters are flat and predictable, the characterization of the existing characters is way off and morphed, the morality and political correctness is ambiguous and unhealthy at best and the story as a whole is so low quality that I hesitated to even keep it online at all. At this current stage in my life, I’m a little ashamed that I ever wrote this.

But I kept it online for these past 12 years. Why?

Because having it online, being able to go back and read through it whenever I felt my current writing was subpar, actually helps to inspire me. To think that this was my starting point and that I grew so much from this first shot, it is a physical representation of how much my skill as a writer has grown and flourished. Along the ways, I encountered many different habits and issues that I had to work on heavily in order to change and grow. Now I look back on this first piece of work with humour – to think that my past self thought this story amazing is something I can laugh at because I’ve come such a long way.

Everybody starts out a hobby/art form being shitty – nobody starts out great. You become great along the way, through discipline and excessive practice. This is my proof – to both you as a reader and myself as the writer – that those two traits really do create growth; even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.

And so, onto the torture…


Where is the love?

a Beyblade fanfiction [April 9/2004-April 5/2005]

A baby blue bird was perched on the window seal and began to sing his
mourning melody. The sun began to rise beyond the distant mountains and the
world of nature began to arise. A young maiden opened her eyes slightly to
see a baby chipmunk scurry across her bed and chatter in her ear. She
stretched her arms up and smile brightly at the two animals that had taken
a liking to her room and had set a routine to wake her up every mourning.
She loved animals, small or baby animals were her favorite. She gentily
petted the chipmunk as he rolled is head around under her fingertips. She
giggled at his gesture and she through the blankets aside and got out of
bed to dress. She lived alone in the small cottage in the forest. She was a
very gentil soul and she loved her animals friends very much. Everybody
knew who she was, but nobody knew anythiong about her. She was Amber Heart,
the loney girl in the forest. Not the name that Ambner inteded to get for
her reputation, but she lived with it. She dressed quickly and she laid
down a bowl of sunflower seeds that the blue bird and chipmunk could munch
on. She wore a green dress that was starting to have it’s colors fade and
she brushed her blond hair to make the fuzzyness go down.

” Eat up guy, I have to go now to the village. But I’ll be back as soon as
I’m done there.” She spoke to the two creatures that were chowing down on
the seeds.

She smiled sweatly and got her purse and ran out the door and into the


The village was a nice place and what made it even more beautiful was that
the king’s castle laid at the very edge of town. It looked like a giant
cathedral with fountains and flowers everywhere. Gaurds doing there jobs at
the front door that was taller then Amber’s whole cottage. Amber loved
coming to town and her favorite place was the market place. Even though it
was a horrible place for a young maiden such as herself to be, she loved to
go there to meet and greet everybody in the new day. The market place was a
place for men. Men ran the booths, men bought the goods. Very seldom, woman
would vernture into the market place and buy the goods they need. Because
in this little town, girls and woman were concidered weak and defenseless.
Men injoyed taking advanage of this fact and getting any woman he wanted.
Which was why woman avoided the marketplace the best they could. Amber on
the other hand had lived there her entire life and all the men at the
booths admired her bravery for coming there every single day and injoyed
having her come everyday to buy things.

“Good mourning, Travis! Beautiful day today isn’t it?” She asked sweetly as
she walked up to a booth that sold seeds, fruit and vegtables.

The young man was the youngest seller there. He was Amber’s age, 17, and he
was just a little bit taller then her.

” Same to you Amber. And your right it is a beautiful day! Hoe are you this
fine day?” He asked as she picked up an apple and examined it carfully
before placing it in her purse and retrving a gold coin to pay for it.

” Joyful. I can’t wait for the summer games to start.” She giggled.

The summer games were played in the kings court yard and were held every
year in hounor of one of the village folks. Unlike most kingdoms, King
Johnny and Prince Max were very generous to the village folk. In hounor of
each years games one person is selected from the town to light and
extinguage the torch that was light to start and finish the summer games.
It was a great honor and who every they picked they wouldn’t say a word
until the start of the games, making it a complete surprise. Last year the
town’s baker, Jason, was selected. he was very pleased to get the honor.
Amber was happy for him, since he was a close friend of hers, along with

“Well I heard that they have something speacial planned this year.
Something different from all the others.” Travis spoke as he graceusly toke
the coin from Amber. “Prince Max thought it was time for a change, so he
told the town council that there was a surprise that was taking place.”

Amber blinked then smirked. ” And who did you hear this from?”

Travis swallowed and tryed to think of something to say. “I have my
ressources.” Was all he could come up with.

Amber giggled and said her goodbyes and she was on her way.

/{/ Well I wonder what surprise that will be.\}\ Amber thought to herself.

There was the sound of a trumpet playing a gathering tune to motion the
people of the village to gather at the front of the town center. Amber
watched as the men of the market place walked there and she ran to try and
get a good place to stand. It was very unusual that a member of the royal
family would call a gathering in the mourning.

/{/ This must be something serious.\}\ Amber thought curiously.

Everyody went from loud to silent as King Johnny stepped onto the platform
and signaled for silence.

” Thank you. I have called this gathering to inform you that somebody has
broken into the castle and stolen a priceless item.” He spoke with dibelive
in his tone.

Everybody gasped and began to chatter among themselves.

Prince Max tryed to silence them. ” My father is trying to speak, be

But his gesture didn’t work. Amber looked up at him, meeting his eyes. She
blushed and looked at the ground as everbody continued to chatter.

“Silence, King Johnny is trying to speak. Show some respect and listen.”
Amber shouted and everybody grew silent.

Prince Max looked at her and smiled. Amber returned his handsome smile with
one of her bright ones. Everybody looked at her, some glared before turning
there attention back on King Johnny.

” As I was saying, somethings were stolen and-” He was cut off by somebody
who was yelling ‘Let me go’ and 3 gaurds holding a young woman and a sac
came into view.

One gaurd came up to King Johnny and handed him the bag. “A thousand
apolagize your magasty but these are the stolen items.” He wispered.

The king looked from the bag to the young woman the gaurds were holding
down to the crowd of villagers. ” The missing items have been recovered,
you may go back to your activities.”

Everybody left calmly and soon the town center was empty. Amber stayed were
she was and walked up to the king.

” What was stolen my lord?” She asked calmly, but sweetly.

The king shoot a glance to see who was speaking to him as he pulled out a
item from the bag. “Our family hier lomb.” He spoke as he turned the item
aroung to reviel a small shield that had a picture od a lizard carved into

Amber glanced at the woman who was still pinned to the ground and was
struggling to try and get free.

” What of her punishment my lord?” She asked.

Prince Max came up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder, causing
shivers to shoot down her spine.

” Some work in the palace perhaps?” He questioned his father.

Amber shifted so that the prince’s hand slipped of her shoulder and he
walked over to the thief the gaurds held down.

” I belive that is a very good idea my son. We’ll make a king of you yet.”
King Johnny spoke to Prince Max and joined Amber at the thief’s side.

King Johnny motioned for her to be raised of the ground so her could ask
the thief a question and send her to work.

” What is your name, thief?” He asked bitterly. He might have been a kind
soul but he didn’t take lightly to criminals.

The woman glared at the king as the one of the gaurds struck her from
behind causiong her to fall at Amber’s feet. Amber’s eyes filled with tears
of horror and concern. She bent down to help up the girl but was held back
by one of the gaurds. Amber didn’t bother to struggle as she knew if she
did, she too would be in trouble. Tears streamed down her face and the
glittering tears fell in the dusty ground. Prince Max looked away and stood
beside his father. He was to be strong and not soft hearted if he wanted to
please his father. He knew that the king would be angrey with him if he did
other wise.

/{/ That poor girl. I wish there was something I could do to help her. She
looks so frightened, so scared.\}\ Prince Max thought sorrowful to

” My name is Alexander Moren, but I perfered to be called Alex. If you
don’t mind.” The woman said as she raised herself to her feet and brushed
herself off.

She was badly bruised in the right side of her face and she shook as she
stood. For somebody who had been handled roughly by the gaurds, she sure
was still very beautiful. She looked like she was a princess out of a
storybook fairytail. Her shoulder lengh brown hair was straight and she
wore a ripped green short sleeved blouse with a pair of black pants. She
had a chain around her neck that was silver and had the symbol of a snake.

/{/ A cobra. \}\ Amber thought to herself as her tears began to dry up on
her face and her fear slowly vanish.

” Alexander Moren? A Moren? Are you aware of the reptutaion your family has
here?” King Johnny asked dryly.

” I’m aware of every nasty thing you’ve said about my family and they are
nothing like that. My family is not a group of thieves and we are quiet
enough to stay out of yor way. The only thief in my family is me. And I
only stole because I have 7 little brothers who are hungrey back at home.
By stealing that hier lomb, I would be able to pawn it for enough money to
feed them for at least a week.” She spat at him.

Prince Max stepped into the conversation. ” Your intetions were well but
you solved the problem the wrong way.” He spoke quickly earning Alex
annoyance and a death glare from King Johnny.

Amber could bare no more to be held by the gaurd so tightly. She could
barely breath and she was struggling for more air with every second. She
would have asked the gaurd nicely to lossen his grip on her chest if Alex
haden’t gotten to him first. Alex gave to gaurd a high kick and he let go
of Amber. Amber feel to the ground, heart racing and striving for air. The
other gaurds backed off and went to help out the injured one. Alex smiled,
satified. She bent down and offered her hand to Amber who was now staring
at Alex with fear.

” I didn’t mean to frighten you. But it looked like he was choking you.”
Alex spoke lightly.

Amber smiled and toke Alex hand and she was raised to her feet. She curtied
at the King as soon as she let go of Alex grasp. She smiled as she bowed
her head and turned to leave. But King Johnny had a plan to take care of
these two ‘trouble makers’

“You will stay were you are young maiden and you will serve your punishment
in the castle as well as Alexander here.”

Amber stopped and spun around as she heard him speak up. Alex eyes opened
wide in confusion.

” What did she do wrong?” She asked smartly, earning a smile from Amber as
she came to her defence.

The King snickered. ” She tryed to help you up when Lord Kai punished you
for not answering me when asked.”

Alex balled her hands into fists at her side and spoke. ” Your punishing
her for having a generous heart and for being kind? And another thing, You
didn’t give me anytime to tell yopu my name before that fiend struck me!”

The king snikered yet again. ” Lord Kai, Lord Tala and Lord Bryan?”

The three gaurds came up to the king and bowed to show that they had heard

” Lord Kai and Lord Tala, would you please escort Alexander to the palace.
Put her in the servants room went you arrive. Lord Bryan would you please
do the same to…” He trailed off.

“Amber your majesty, Amber Heart is my name.” Amber introduced herself.

” Very well could you escort Amber to the servant chambers as well?” He
more of less demanded.

The three gaurds bowed. “Yes Your Majesty.” They spoke in union.

Lord Kai and Lord Tala Grabbed Alex roughly and literally had to drag her
to the castle. Lord Bryan grabbed Amber’s arms and getily motioned for her
to move forward. Since Amber had never been in trouble with the king
before, she was frightened and walked willingly behind Alex all the way to
the castle.

Want to continue reading this torture? It was actually the first chapter story that I ever finished and the entire thing is still online for your reading ridicule. You can find it here and I wish you good luck. Even I can’t get through the whole thing anymore.